If you Want the Best Seat in the House, Move the Dog

Coda is the third member of our family. She is the best dog in the world, and that's not an exaggeration. She might seem spoiled, but the truth is, we're just well trained. She's a bit more human than most canines, and so we let he have a shot at writing the Family Newsletter this year. She dictated, I typed. Here's the year 2009 straight from the doghouse:

Dear Upright Walking, Relatively Hairless Animals (UWRHA),

This year has been markedly uneventful, & that’s even after I tried to mark every outdoor surface to spice things up. My UWRHAs think “uneventful” is a good thing, something about security, no drama, blah blah blah grrrrrr.

My UWRHAs celebrated their 4-year wedding anniversary, which concerns me because they seemed especially festive over the fact in spite of it signifying my 21st birthday. And instead of buying me my first bowl of liver juice they left me at home & went to hunt. I shed extra hair that night just to teach ‘em!

Our pack moved three times this year. My UWRHAs kept talking about “new business opportunities,” & “good time to take risks,” & before I knew it we were living in Minneapolis. But after one month of living there, we were moving to Utah. I guess the risk was too risky. But now we live in a great neighborhood with a big yard for me to pee, uh, I mean, play in. We are also closer to the home we own in Utah & can manage it & the wonderful renters there without paying a Management Company. Two dewclaws up for that!

My Alpha (Stephanie) spent the year petting me, writing a blog (sounds like DOG, & I was jealous at first, but turns out it’s just this public yearbook called danandstephaniedunn.blogspot.com), taking care of all things domestic such as cleaning up all the food I carry from my bowl & leave half chewed & covered in saliva on the living-room carpet, & managing the duplex we live in. She also wrapped up a business venture she began in 2008, which was all in all a wonderful experience & in which she is grateful for the entrepreneurship, public speaking, leadership, & business growth she had there. Now, she & her mom (in my world we call female sires something else entirely, but for some reason UWRHAs always over-react when I call moms that) Elizabeth, are custom-painting themes, pictures, murals, & designs on walls in people’s homes, business offices, etc. They are building their portfolio & need to do more rooms/walls to show other’s what they are capable of. So those of you in California who know what a talented artist Elizabeth is, bark at her at taridove@hotmail.com because she is offering free custom-designed wall art to the first 3 people who contact her! Premium quality guaranteed (Like Purina!).

Dan (second in the Dominance Hierarchy) is working as a Regional Sales Manager for Titan Alarms. He loves the company & has fast become Titan’s number one selling representative! Everyday he bundles himself up in snow-repellant clothes (to tell the truth he looks like a hot dog in a big bun—yummy—it makes my jowls water just writing about it!) sips apple cider, & heads out into the snow. I understand why he does this everyday—rituals are very important to dogs. Take me, for instance – I wake up, eat my food, go potty, dig a couple shallow holes, run inside & curl up with my Alpha in bed, play in the afternoon, eat & potty, & dig again in the evening, & curl up in bed again at night. If any one of these things gets thrown off, I am either puking up bile or needing to potty in the early morning hours. Rituals are very important.

In Dan’s spare time he makes this black & white thing bark all kinds of interesting pitches, & has created some of his best barks ever. He & Stephanie are frequently called on to bark at various events, & enjoy howling sweet music together.

As for myself, I love our big backyard in Utah. It’s a good day when I can lounge outside chewing on twigs & catching snow as it falls from the trees. It’s a great day when a cat comes to visit & I let him know in no uncertain terms that he is not barking welcome! (Excuse the language—I get a little pissy – no marking territory pun intended – about trespassing cats)

I try to surprise my UWRHAs every year with some new & nearly impossible feat. Last year I sprained my tail. This year I was itching & itching, & they kept giving me flea baths, checking for lice, & putting flea & tick repellant on me, all to no avail. Little did they know that there aren’t even fleas in Utah. After relentless scratching, they took me to the vet & the diagnosis? Allergies. I thought only UWRHAs got allergies, & I am proud to have this irritation, which defies all reason & makes me closer to their species. They seemed less than thrilled. I also injured my dewclaw. Twice. (That’s the part marked “D” in the diagram below).

Some highlights of the year: Dan’s mom, Louise, went back & received her Bachelor’s degree! We are so proud of her! We welcomed Conner, Dan’s brother Dave’s newborn son, into the extended pack. We were able to attend weddings for Tanner & Sarah, & DJ & Marlene – Congrats again! Thanksgiving & Christmas was spent with the wonderful McGuire’s & their extended packs. The neighbors who moved into the duplex we manage (The Sorensen’s) have fast become best pack mates. We visited California multiple times to see Elizabeth, family, & friends & always enjoy that treat (even more than Milkbones, which is A LOT!).

I am excited for this New Year! By this time next year I will be the same age as my UWRHAs, & maybe, since I will be more their equal in age, I can challenge Dan & one up him in the Dominance Hierarchy! We hope you have as much to look forward to & more in this New Year! Keep your ears perked & your noses sharp—good things await!