(Find the directions for these guys at thecraftingchicks.com/2011/03/angry-birds-cupcakes.html)
Dan's closest friends gathered at Laser Assault to surprise him for his 30th birthday.
Though I had planned this party a month in advance and had done my best to ensure that I was in control of the success of the day, life decided to screw with me by reminding me that the illusion of control is life's way of regularly telling you to suck it! Whatever life! “If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.” -Mario Andretti. Two can play at this game! (Warning: unbridled zeal is never a good thing).
I drove a blindfolded Dan to the Laser Tag venue. His stomach was empty. Being the strategic planner that I am I had starved Dan to the point of fainting so that he'd appreciate the food he'd find at the party, kinda like, "Hey, remember how your vision got blurry and you could barely stand cuz you were so hungry? I provide FOOD! Go get it birthday boy!" To which I envisioned tears welling up in his eyes while he glanced at me with gratitude and pride before diving headfirst into a large-pizza box. However, my fantasy turned nightmare when the combination of an empty stomach and wearing a blindfold caused severe motion sickness (side effect of ZEAL).
"Just 10 more minutes of driving," I'd reassure him.
But 10 turned into 30 as bumper-to-bumper traffic caused a third of our friends to arrive late to the party, and I had to stall by driving around in circles. CIRCLES! Of all the shapes to choose to drive a motion-sick passenger around in. I was a bit panicked.
I was nervously eying spots alongside the road that looked good for an "I'm gonna puke" moment, but luckily there was no need.
This is going to be great! I'm gonna win! Life, you ain't got nothin' on this!, these and similar phrases ran repeatedly through my mind throughout the day as I envisioned an imaginary war between me and life's unpredictability. Dan may or may not have commented on "Why the maniacal look in your eyes?" but then wisely turned away from my wide-eyed gaze and white-man's under bite expression, pretending the question had never been posed.
Eventually, I parked the car and proceeded to retrieve the cupcakes I had hidden in the trunk. I knew upon placing the food in there three hours previously that trunks were not designed to preserve food. But my optimism took over and I irrationally convinced myself it would work out. But upon opening the trunk I saw that the carefully crafted angry-bird-themed cupcakes resembled the Wicked Witch of the West after she melted, and maybe bile. I grabbed the bag of food, dragged my green husband out of the car, guided him into the venue (bumping him on a door frame or two), and yanked his blindfold off, nearly ripping his head off his neck in the process cuz, well, I was excited!
There are times when you realize a month's worth of effort is all going to pot in a matter of 30 seconds. Life 19 : Stephanie 4. That's when we say, "I'm just gonna roll with it" and pop an oozy green angry-bird pig cupcake into your mouth to muffle the screams.
The evening from that point on proceeded without a hitch. We played a couple rounds of laser tag, watched Dan demolish his playable angry bird cake (similar, though much less elaborate, as the one pictured below), and spent the rest of the night eating, chatting, and watching season 2 of Modern Family with Ben and Rosa.
Originally I had anticipated having the day of Dan's party to myself to prepare for things while Dan was at work. Then he says, "Honey, I think I'm gonna take all of my birthday off and spend the entire day with you."
"Grreeeaaat!" I said a little too high and tried to make my smile look genuine.
The day of was fraught with lying to Dan left and right...
"Hey, why don't you take Coda to the park while I get ready for the day... she's so ancy" so that I could load his trunk with party goodies.
"I think I'll leave the fancy camera in the car under the seat while we go into the arcade"
"Why don't you just put it in the trunk Steph?"
"Oh, you know what? I think I'll just take it in. Maybe I'll get a good picture."
"Honey, why don't you go to the gym? I won't be getting out of bed for another hour or two." Cue sound of door shutting as Dan leaves so I can hop out of bed and finish decorating 24 cupcakes.
"Steph, did you make reservations for Tucano's tonight?"
"What? Oh! Oh yeah, mmm-hmmm, sure did. Except they don't take reservations, so we'll just have to get there before the rush." (They do take reservations)
"Well, did we get that birthday coupon in the mail from them yet so we can get a free meal tonight?"
Knowing I could not produce the coupon that had not yet arrived, but still needing to convince him that Tucano's was the agenda of the night, I said, "Nope, but they told me you can just show them the birth date on your ID." They said no such thing because I never spoke with them.
I even let Dan drive us 30 minutes to Tucano's, hungry for plates upon plates of meats, and then right before parking told him to swap seats with me and put on a blindfold. He looked like he might cry.
But alas, he WAS surprised, so all of the lying and evasiveness? Totally worth it.
Thanks everyone who helped make this day special for sweet Daniel!
